I never thought it could happen to me like it has, but as the dust settles and the fog clears I'm starting to recognize what someone else has done to my life.
This man is devoid of emotion. He told me that he finds the most unattractive and vulnerable women on line that he can because he knows he can get them to do what he wants. He doesn't care about the acts they perform, he just likes getting them to do whatever he says. He looked me straight in the eye and told me he only takes a woman out for dinner or drinks because he likes the challenge of getting a sex act out of them afterward.
This is the man who had me bending over backwards to prove my love to him. This is the man who had me convinced I'm too needy and too empathetic and not understanding enough. This is the man with whom I entrusted the rest of my life.
He ate my soul, I have nothing left. And I never saw it coming.
I am grateful for friends and professionals who are attempting to drag me out of this hell hole I am in. I have a long road ahead of me trying to heal from the destruction this has caused me. The fact that someone could take someone with a strong sense of self like me, turn them into an empty shell, and never even think twice about it is horrifying. That people like this exist in the world scares the ever loving shit out of me.
1 in 25 people is a sociopath. That means that 1 in 25 people has no conscience whatsoever to speak of. We are their playthings. If it can happen to me then it can happen to anyone. Inform yourself, because I never want to see anyone end up where I am right now.
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ReplyDeleteOh Shizz....I found you through Tracy's site ( is there any other way? I think not.) and I have been following along on your life journey through your blog.
ReplyDeleteI was so sad and proud of you for ending the psychic mess that your ex created. I was thrilled you found love again with someone you had known for a while.
And now I read that you lived through a real life episode of Law & Order SVU.
Damn.
This sucks to high heaven. And speaking of heaven...I know God has a plan, but someday's I wish he would be a bit more obvious on how things are supposed to go down. This was NOT the plan and I am so sorry you have been going through this.
Cindy,
ReplyDeleteYour comments were truly kind and I needed it. Hopefully you didn't delete it because you thought I was upset. My response time is...well, it sucks and there's no excuse for it. Just know I appreciated your thoughts.
Heather,
I have found the most remarkable people here on the interwebs, Tracy most certainly not being the least of them. Anyone who's willing to slog through her stupendous blog roll and find me has to be pretty darned okay. It does suck. Every year I think there's just no way the next year can get worse and fate proves me wrong. Fate is a fickle bitch. But I have found love like I never imagined because most days I really love myself. I have great kids who drive me bonkers and amazing friends who do a dandy job of enjoying bonkers with me. I think finding those things out has definitely got to be part of what God had in mind when he planned this whole "life" thing out. Thanks for chiming in.